seventeen

This song reminds of the time I met you, or maybe just before, but whatever. I hear this song and I think of tall pines and busing tables and kissing in the deep, deep frost of the NWT.

I'm not sad I met you. I'm sad at how we ended because we started off so effortlessly.

We met while I was working as a very shitty waitress. I was doing the windows with newspaper and you walked up to the door. I knew I had to say something, anything, to you so I asked if your name was Brian. Of course it wasn't but I had to get you to notice me, see me. We flirted after you came in, exchanged numbers. You made my heart jump. You made me smile just thinking about you, our first date was with a friend of mine, tagging along since you were the debonair older man. She said I tried too hard.

Deciding to move back to my home province after a month or two to move in with you perhaps wasn't the wisest choice, especially on my mothers part, who gave us her complete and utter blessing. She thought I had met a decent, charming man. You mostly were. She made us dinner then left the house to us, alone, free and clear to completely ignore her hard work. We made love on a mattress on the floor in the attic. I say we made love because I thought that's what we were doing, and we were, at the time. You said I brought something out in you.

We set up camp in a small one bedroom apartment in a terrible part of town where I made terrible steak dinners and we smoked weed in the steamy bathroom where we had showers together.

The hours I waited for you to come home to me, not ever knowing that the woman you left for me was merely a few blocks away. How cozy and convenient for you. The fact that you broke up with me with a note on a torn envelope doesn't even merit to sex and city where carrie gets broken up with by Berger. What kills me is that you said sorry, and I wanted to believe you.

I saw you after, I was on the bus sitting at the back and you pulled up in the vehicle next to us. I couldn't imagine a world that cruel when it happened, as it was not long after you decided you had made a mistake. You didn't see me. And that's probably what was the problem the whole time. Your mistake.